A lot of people teach and preach that when we are triggered by a quality in someone else, it only means that we ourselves have that very same quality.
But what if we don’t?!?
What if that other person is just rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, a ruthless user, a liar, a cheating bastard … what if that is just the way they are?
And maybe we quite simply do not share those qualities. – What then?
Should we pretend that we are not triggered by their behavior? Do we have to pretend that we do not get angry, disgusted, disappointed, so that we can appear more ‘spiritual’, understanding and evolved, while all we are really doing is projecting a phony version of a higher consciousness.
Let me state it plainly: some people are just rude! And you get triggered because of their rudeness. That’s all there is to it.
For whatever reasons some really weird ideas get a lot of traction in the world of personal development and self-help. A lot of people propagate the idea that we attract everything that happens in our lives and that we attract our reality. And specifically we attract certain people into our lives because they have valuable lessons to teach us.
If you ask yourself why someone had to happen to you, the new age and pop psychology answer is – that they are there because there is a lesson you still hadn’t learned.
Where do I start to respond to that? Sure, take responsibility for your reality – you probably don’t want to hand that responsibility to someone else! And of course you attract a lot of the stuff that happens to you – it is easily observable: some people consistently attract this, and some people consistently attract that.
But sometimes the only lesson someone has to teach you is to stay away from them and their kind!
Sometimes the only answer to the question WHY a certain someone got into your life, is that it happened because you didn’t understand fast enough what kind of a person they were.
And I have an issue with this idea that whenever we attract those people it means that at some level they are a mirror to us, that they just reflect what and who WE are. That this is what we are supposed to learn! WRONG!
This would mean that everyone who ever had a lying, conniving, obnoxious loser in their lives, just had a mirror that reflected their true selves – that they too are lying, conniving, obnoxious losers. Absolutely NOT!
And really I beg to differ! Could it be that someone, because of their strong belief in the infinite goodness in everyone has opened their arms and heart and welcomed a piece of garbage into their life. Could it be that good will and good faith and trust in humanity sometimes give the green light for jerks to turn up in our lives?
I think so.
And I do NOT think that every time this happens you have to entertain the fact that you are really just like them, or that there is a valuable lesson for you to learn. The lesson you have to learn is how to respond to them, so they run a mile, and never bother you again. That’s the lesson.
And also, I DO believe that we need a trustworthy jerk detector. Something that goes off with a big bright flashing red warning light, something that loudly goes BING BING – jerk alert. Steer clear and do not trust. Steer clear and do not trust.
Perhaps they turned out the way they did because of a hurtful past. Perhaps their abusive ways are the only ones they know – they simply have no decent ways of communicating and relating. This doesn’t mean that you are obligated to stay around and take the short end of the stick. And it most certainly doesn’t mean you have to destroy your life attempting to fix them!
Accept that they, in their model of the world are making the best choices available to them. And rejoice in the fact that you live in a very different model of the world! Be glad that your model of the world gives you choices they do not have.
We learn through contrast. And perhaps the deepest learning we can get from when we attract certain people and relationships into our lives is how NOT to be. To experience what lies and manipulations feel like. These people give us the chance to break free from old patterns in real time, so we can start afresh. They help us see a bigger picture, they help us reclaim our power, our self-worth and self-respect.
With this in mind, I invite you to start reclaiming your power! Gently toughen up and smile!
Sending you oceans of love,
Lidija and Thomas
P.S. Join us on our exclusive accelerated International NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner courses in London (January 2017) and Brussels (May 2017). For more information, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org