“Good good good good vibrations” – Beach Boys
Greetings from Stockholm, where Momentum Strategies currently resides 🙂 ! Something happened the other day that inspired me to write this blog.
I was sitting at a café, enjoying an elongated espresso as the owner of the café appeared. He recognized me and we said hello to each other.
“How are you today?” He asked.
“Fine, how are you?” I replied.
“Excellent – every moment excellent!”
“That’s really good. – I am not quite there yet myself. The day is good, but I cannot claim that every single moment is excellent!”
His eyes briefly focusing in midspace he appeared to be thoughtful for a moment, then he said: “Well, here is how I think about it. If I tell you about my troubles, what can you do to help me? – Nothing.” He shrugged his shoulders, ”but if I tell you about how things are excellent … I just want to spread good vibrations!”
“Thank you!” I said and smiled. Thinking that I had met yet another person whom I really should invite to be a guest speaker at our next seminar 🙂 !
It’s all connected
Because that is how it is. We are all state inducers. The way we act, the way we treat others and the mood we project influence other people’s moods.
And just to illustrate the point by way of contrast. You have certainly met, at one point of your life or other, some person in a foul mood, grumpy as grumpy can be, badvibing the entire vicinity. The funny thing is, that on the surface of things such a person may be using very polite words and phrases. But their voices can be torturous to listen to, their body language like a quivering volcano, their eyes rays of pain.
Now – most likely – you yourself, most of the time, fall into the middle between these two extremes. But the first question we would invite you to explore this week is:
How do you make others feel?
What effects do you inadvertently have on how others feel?
State is key
The states you yourself inhabit can make others feel good, appreciated, safe, sexy, open and friendly when they are near you. The states a person inhabits can also make others feel the exact opposite – making them want to spend as much time as possible as far away from that person as possible.
Now. Many people are absolutely oblivious to the feelings they stimulate in others. There is a whole gallery of such types.
You have met the person whose deprecating humour results in split second frowning faces whenever they crack a “joke”. It’s reminiscent of the joke: “I am not really a funny person. I am just very hostile. And people interpret what I say as humour.” With the difference that they themselves think it is humour.
You have met the person who, whenever someone mentions how something has gone well for them, frowns in badly disguised bitterness and envy, and soon enough comes up with a comment to put a dampener on the celebratory mood.
You have met the person who controls their environment by making everyone feel guilty. Whose comments are all like wet blankets of guilt. Sure people may do what that person wants, but with growing resentment.
You have met the person who always interrupts others, who always needs to be the centre of attention, always delivering long monologues. And if someone else attempts to get a word in they go: “”Hello-o! Motormouth! I am speaking!”
And the opposite! – You have met the person who leaves all the conversational work to the other parties. Never putting a topic on the table. And when someone else puts a topic on the table only responds with as short a reply as possible.
You have met the person who seems to have taken upon themselves the task of always criticizing, of always finding what is not good and elaborating on this. Sometimes, as a result of an educational system, encouraging “critical thinking” – but resulting only in people putting themselves on the moral high ground while contributing nothing.
It would be easy to extend the list. You just want to shout to them, like they say on the internet: “Don’t be that person!”
And then there are those gems of people who really help bring out the best in you.
The people who are genuine, who project friendly feelings, the people who inspire, the people who help you find your own inner strength, the people you can be honest with – the people you just like to be around. (Sure – they may have a down day too – but they are not going to try to make you pay for it.)
Recognize which states you evoke in others
How do you make such an inventory of the feelings you stimulate in others? If you had the privilege to experience a proper NLP training you very likely have a plethora of tools at your disposal. If not you can still make an honest attempt to answer the question on your own. And make the effort to notice the impact you are having. Some people find it helpful to make an inventory the states they tend to inhabit – and to notice how they themselves react when they meet others in those states.
Now, the second question we would like you to explore is also very simple:
How do you want to make people feel?
Now, if there is a mismatch between how people feel around you and how you want them to feel, then perhaps you want to do something about it.
One thing is for sure: It’s up to you. No one else is going to change first!
So here is the weekly FUNercise: think of someone you know in your heart of hearts that you would enjoy your time with more if only they were in a better mood when they spend time with you.
Step 1: In your mind’s video recorder replay what they were like the last time you met them. Ask yourself what state they are in.
Step 2: Rewind and look at and listen to the video again, only, this time change the camera angle so that you are watching yourself in that episode. Ask yourself what state you were in during that episode.
Step 3: Rewind the tape again, this time listen to and look at the both of you. And ask yourself: how are the states you see yourself inhabiting influencing the other person to inhabit the states they are in?
Step 4: Finally ask yourself – what state would you have to be in, in order for the other person to be in more mutually beneficial states? Then try it on – what would it be like if you already were in that state? What would it feel like – how would others react to you?
Have a lot of fun discoveries as you explore how to create good feelings in yourself, taking the emotional lead, and noticing how the good feelings spread around you like rings on the water!
Wishing you a week full of good vibrations, and sending you oceans of love.
Your good good good good vibrations NLP trainers!
Lidija & Thomas
Upcoming NLP trainings in Brussels
We would like to invite you to join our Internationally accredited NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner trainings in Brussels and U.S. For more information, please contact us firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S. If you would like to experience good vibrations come and join us for a unique internationally accredited NLP Practitioner Training in 6 Modules, starting in October in Nis and Belgrade. Enrolment is open now! For more information, please send us an email on email@example.com.
P.P.S. If you are in London on October 25-26, make sure to join us and Ursula Barbieri for a workshop on NLP and shamanism. You will find more info at www.nlpandshamanism.com.
Lidija Marković Rosati – International ITA accredited Classic and New Code NLP Trainer, Master Coach, Psychological Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
Thomas Björge – International ITA accredited Classic and New Code NLP Trainer, Master Coach and Hypnotherapist, designer of New Code Game – “Arrows”, that will be published in Dr. John Grinder’s upcoming book