“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” – Benjamin Franklin
Listen, here is the deal, and you know this is true, sometimes you come up with what is commonly known as excuses. A series of rational explanations as to why you have failed with achieving something that you would have liked to achieve, or – far worse – a really good argument why you should not go for something you want.
There is some part of you that know that those excuses are not as real as they appear to be. When you read biographies of the rich and famous it turns out that they had more than their fair share of problems – and if they had let those problems hinder them they would never had become the successes they are now.
This is tricky business. Because the shackles which imprison you are nothing but constructions of your mind. And they seem so true!
Most excuses come from either Fear or Love of comfort. Excuses that come from fear are the ones that go: “Oh, but if I did that then there would be a CATASTROPHE!” or “I wish I had the guts to do that – but if it doesn’t work out it would be so embarrassing that I would never be able to show my face on planet earth again!” or “Yes, I hate this place, this is so not how I am supposed to live, but at least I know what I have got – better the devil you know!”
Excuses from Love of comfort are like “Oh, but I shouldn’t have to do that in order to get to where I want to be.” “But I don’t like going to the gym.” “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” “It’s so cold outside…” “I deserve to watch the TV for the rest of the evening.” “Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.”
Fears and comfort – your allies or shackles
This is really a sad state of affairs. Because your fear and comfort are supposed to be your wise friends and allies. Protecting you from real danger. Helping you recuperate and enjoy life. Yet far too often they are just shackles, chaining you to a life of routine, or worse a life of going through the motions.
And even your friends tell you they are true, your friends can be oh so helpful. And paradoxically it’s exactly the nicest friends that are your worst hidden enemies! The ones who understand you. They will understand how difficult X makes it for you to achieve your dreams. The ones who tell you that you deserve to only enjoy recreation during the weekend. Sometimes even paid, professional people helpers will explain to you how your parents, your partner, your friends, your educational system, your job makes things impossible. – Ah, the bliss of blaming someone else! – The comfort of knowing that you yourself are never responsible for your shortcomings – not in the slightest. Now, if only those other people would accept responsibility for your shortcomings, then we would start getting somewhere … 🙂
Truth behind excuses
What is an excuse? It is an attempt to justify or explain a shortcoming or an offense. Now, the human brain doesn’t like to take the blame for anything, so it’s very good at coming up with both justifications and explanations. Layers upon layers of justifications and very convincing explanations.
BUT when your excuses get in the way of you achieving your goals and being who you want to be, then that is the exact opposite of what you need.
So one of the strongest antidotes is to be honest with yourself. It is like in many negotiations. Sometimes you’ve got to level. To be honest and upfront about your concerns. – Are the consequences that scare you really so bad that you should let them stop you? – Is it really so cozy in that couch that it’s preferable to living your real life?
With this in mind we would like to invite you to do the following exercise. In your secret diary write a list of the two or three things you are most dissatisfied with in your life. Now make an inventory of all the excuses you have for not doing enough to change these things. Include both the excuses you believe in and the ones you already consider to be just bull or rationalizations. Finally, systematically go through your excuses and for each one make a decision if you are going to continue to allow it to stand between you and the life you are called and beckoned to live. – After all, what would you rather end up with, a list of good excuses or an amazing, adventurous life?
Wishing you a miraculous week and sending you oceans of love
Your excuse-free NLP trainers,
Lidija & Thomas
Upcoming NLP trainings in Brussels and USA
We would like to invite you to join our Internationally accredited NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner trainings in Brussels and USA. For more information, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Lidija Markovic Rosati – ITA NLP (International Trainers Academy of NLP) Accredited New Code and Classic Code NLP Trainer and Master Coach, Hypnotherapist and Psychological Counsellor.
Thomas Björge – ITA NLP (International Trainers Academy of NLP) Accredited New Code and Classic Code NLP Trainer and Master Coach and Designer of New Code Game ‘Arrows’, to be featured in Dr. John Grinder’s upcoming book.